I’ve talked about history and and I’ve talked about costumes. The world of Halloween is one dominated by history and trend, by past and present, by bullshit and creativity. If we’re gonna look at the beer it inspires, we need to look at how the different weird elements collide. We got the transgression, we got the costumes, we got the commercialism. Where could this lead?
Well, to sexy costumes of course. The modern trend of sexy costumes is a culmination of Halloween’s excess. It involves the abandonment of social norms, where women and men dress in sexually lewd ways for fun. It is commercialized, where these costumes are bought and sold by the thousands. And it allows people to dress up and play about. I’d say it takes the good and the bad and the ugly-as-fuck and throws it all into a sticky blender.
Sexy costumes are hardly a recent phenomena. Hell, those old Celtic celebrations had some sexy-times involved in the proceedings. We’re talking orgies, man. Wild sex parties straight outta Conan the Barbarian. Although eating green people might’ve been a wee bit anachronistic.
You might complain. You might pen article after hair-brained article condemning the prevalence of these so-called “sexy” costumes (which usually border on creepy and terrible). But c’mon: it’s all in good fun. Besides, most of these costumes are jokes anyways. The very notion of a sexy earwig is amusing. To me, at least.
Now, how could this possibly represent beer and Halloween? Sure, we have pumpkin beer and goofy-ass movies, how could you relate beer to the concept of dressing like cock-starved thots? Well, aside from both having something to do with copious volumes of ethanol.
The answer is straightforward: today’s ale has a sexy lady on the cover, a reference to the hulls of old World War Two bombers with their pinup portraits plastered on the side. Nickel Brook’s Naughty Neighbor is an awesome ale with a great depth of flavour. But it unfortunetly has a sexy lady on the label. Which ain’t bad, mind you: I love me some sexy ladies. What can I say? I’m a walrus with the class a half-baked neanderthal would call positively unrefined.
Anyways, this beer is pretty nice, but the relation to the sexy lady and lewd costumes may be tenuous at best. So I’ll specify: strong Pale Ales are a lot like these costumes. A once-niche item which became standardized across the landscape. You can’t go into a Spirit Halloween or a Spencer’s Gifts without seeing costumes that’d make the average schoolmarm have a hernia. You also can’t go into a beer aisle without making me hurl my lunch from the hop-heavy IPAs that hold unflinching dominion.
Aside from the close ties that schoolmarms and domination have, we need to look at a typical representation of the American Pale Ale. Naughty Neighbor’s entry will do well enough, and demonstrate the simultaneous sex appeal and commercialism that this beer type inspires.
Naughty Neighbor by Nickel Brook
Appearance
So we have the sexy lady. Appearances and texture are what matters here, so the can aught to be on the smooth and luxurious side. The lady in question is pretty, sure. The lack of detail helps make things more alluring, I suppose. That and the stockings. Huzzah.
The beer looks lovely, on the other hand. Bright yellow-orange and with a full head, this beer has all the qualities one looks for in an ale. Sediment for days, man. Cloudy and full of promise. Drink in the visage and weep that you can’t get beer this pretty.
Or, rather, look beneath the surface and see the lighter hue, the lack of creamy carbonation and understand that this beer is far from perfect. It may look good, but appearances don’t make a champion ale. Taste does.
Taste
The scent is pretty nice. Or, rather, pretty hoppy. Acidic and full of citrus and spruce. I wouldn’t call it alluring. I wouldn’t call it sexy. Armpit-stink ain’t sexy. But that’s hoppy beers and sexy costumes, really. The illusion of beauty, and the reality of commerce and popular demand.
The prelude that this scent foretells is one of bitterness and grassy malts. Imagine my surprise when I found myself completely correct. Naughty Neighbor starts off in malt-territory while leaning towards wheat and hay in a big way. It ain’t super sweet, though, keeping to the mild side. This serves to emphasize the rump on this beer.
The behind is bitter, though. And bitter beyond what you’d expect. The world of astringency is built around the International Bitterness Scale, or IBUs for short. Boneshaker is about 70-80 IBUs, depending on who you ask, whereas this ale is about 38 IBUs. You might think that this’ll make it much less bitter than thew aforementioned monster of hops.
You see, the contrast of the mild sweetness make the bitter finish much more profound. It isn’t barred by sweet malts or fruity yeast. The 38 IBUs means very little, really, compared to the sting to the tongue that this ale shows.
Mouthfeel
Texture is important too, and given the relatively benign taste, we might want a taste that compliments it. Not too infernal, not too sensuous. Silky and full of lurid smoothness, while still showing the bubbly qualities that denote youth and energy.
This ale does both, but not with the kind of perfection you’d want. It’s serviceable; smooth enough to be nice and clean enough to be refreshing. The taste doesn’t linger on the tongue and I enjoy the overall feel of this summery, American brew. Yet it doesn’t light my gonads on fire. Something critical is missing.
Ah yes, I got it. It needs a big ol’ dose of difference.
It needs to be different from the crowd, yet this beer seems to embody it. The texture isn’t exceptional in any category, and as a result it culminates in an ale which succeeds in being in my glass, but doesn’t make me really excited. I suppose that ain’t bad. But it does embody the argument I’m building towards.
Verdict
Naughty Neighbor is an ale which is average as Pale Ales go. Decent body, decent texture, decent taste, the whole package gives me an ale I’d have any day. The problem comes from how unoriginal it is. It toes the line perfectly, but that doesn’t set it apart from many other Pale Ales you could find on the shelf. Grab this one or any other IPA, you’ll find a similar experience awaits.
But then again, that’s what we’re here for. An ale which shows how the once verboten world of IPAs is now much more open. As far as sexy costumes have ballooned as an industry, so too have over-hopped ales which emphasize the bitterness over the malts. The shift comes from the slow commercialism of a once risque market.
It isn’t bad, really. Well, here is where the metaphor breaks down badly, and my opinion needs to be a wee bit more explicit. I apologize in advance.
Sexy Halloween costumes are trashy and stupid, for the most part. Unless you make it yourself, unless you put in a lot of effort into constructing a lewd and scary outfit to upset the Catholics in the traditional sense, I’m rarely impressed. I think Naughty Neighbor fits into that category, of an ale trying to fit the genre properly and with decent flair.
But it shows that the problem persists: so much of what’s available is just trash, and although it’s a laugh to point it out, it demonstrates how commercialized transgression can become.
Ingredients
- 2-row, Pale, Carafoam, Carastan and Flaked Wheat malt, sailor.
- Cascade, Centennial and Citra Hops, handsome.
- California Top Yeast, you demon in the sack.
- Water, you sex pervert.
Quaff Thine Bev'ridge 