This is Quaff Thine Bev’ridge, a beer-journal (of sorts). In it, I will be attempting to review and catalogue all the beers I can bloody find, as well as address a problem that beer critics at large seem to have.
You see, even in the world of ales and lagers, snobbery is the norm. Critics far and wide judge others for their taste in beer, while hipsters wax lyrical about their personal brand of hop-juice with stupid labels. I don’t believe that every beer in the world needs to be compared to a Trappist Quadruppel, and I don’t think every ale needs to have more bitterness than a skunk’s warty butt hole.
Quaff Thine Bev’ridge will do all the normal shit critics love to do: describe the flavours and assess the quality of beer. However, I want this to be valuable to the average imbiber of brew. I have thrown together a janky hack-job of an info-graphic to give readers a visual representation of the beer’s basic characteristics: Malts, hops, smoothness and richness.
Furthermore, I want to help dispel the marketing bullshit that breweries love to indulge in. Claims of “balance” when it reeks of bitterness. Belief that a flashy, cartoon label is more important than the drink itself having real identity. Or taste, for that matter.
Of course, to assess a beer’s quality, one usually is inclined to employ some sort of score system. How many bottles out of ten? Pints out of five? Sacks of projectile vomit out of three?
I won’t be using score systems. They imply objectivity when it’s very clear there ain’t any. Rather, my sliders will fulfill the same purpose: give a glimpse of what the beer will taste like, and the description itself will provide the details.
So, I’ll be reviewing a beer’s label and appearance, alongside the flavour, balance, relative fizziness and how rich it is. This will provide the best possible description for anyone who cares to take a look.
So welcome, and enjoy my inane ramblings. And hopefully a cold pint, too.
With thanks to https://www.beeradvocate.com/ for information and research materials.